This Gi-Gi will self destruct in 3, 2......
One.... I just want to say that shoulder injuries and subsequent MRI's are for chumps.
And two... that the universe is definitely out to get me.
Here's a mostly complete list of tests and/or procedures I had the (dis)pleasure of enduring over the last 24 hours along with witty commentary to make it less scary:
Drug Test - easy, as long as you don't pee on your hand when you are collecting the sample needed to perform a drug screening. You know they don't let you wash your hands right away, right... eww!
Physical Examination - The physicians assistant had clammy hands and seemed uncertain about his ability to make judgement calls. He had to leave twice to confer with "the real doctor" (his words not mine).
Blood sample #1 - NEVER EVER joke with your phlebotomest about how "you're only good if I don't feel it". Because she will take offense and find the biggest needle to poke you with and cause you as much pain as possible.
EKG - If you're at a training hospital and want to make sure that the student connecting your EKG leads is gonna be cut out for the line of work he/she has chosen simply make horrible jokes about "not being a biter" and "uncontrolled kicking when tickled". That'll shake 'em up.
Chest X-Ray - Please consider your patients reason for being in the hospital before you force them to stand in a bear hug position with the x-ray machine for 5 minutes while you call someone to ask a question. At least let them relax until you're set up and ready.
Blood Sample #2 - Remember to be super kind to the phlebotomest you ticked off earlier on the second go around, she'll likely opt for a smaller needle and be a little gentler if you are nice.
IV Insertion - Try not to have crappy veins if you think you may ever need an IV. It creates drama, bruising and overall discomfort for the nurse trying to insert the IV. ;o)
CT Scan with IV contrast - There is no room for modesty when you're in a backless gown, wired up from every direction and need to move from a gurney to a CT table and then back. Forget about how many people just saw your backside (or frontside)... trust me, they're trying to forget too. Oh and "you might feel like you wet yourself, but don't worry that's normal" isn't really as bad as it sounds.
Constant heart and PB monitoring - Think about it, you're not really flat lined! Because if you're turned around looking at the monitor chances are an electrode just came loose somewhere. And when the nurses say "don't move when the PB cuff initiates because it'll get tighter if you do", LISTEN! You're hand will feel like its about to pop off and shoot across the room after the slightest movement triggers its to batten down the hatches. Oi vey!
Knee X-Ray - Again with the "no modesty" but this time, you get to lay at quite awkward and painful angles until they get a good picture. Be sure to smile!
Pain relieving sedatives - Are gooooooood. You won't even really feel anything or hear anything or care about anything at all. You might, however, drool a little and make discombobulated sentences that make people laugh at you.
Tetanus shot - You're not 13 anymore and can't get away with screaming and crying and requiring "additional personnel" to restrain you while you get pricked. Just have them give you pain relieving sedatives and you'll not care that they're about to prick you.
*Now, why did I have to endure all of these things?
We're still trying to figure that out. More doctors appointments tomorrow and probably more tests in the near future.
I was at work, I had just completed my first (and only) stop of the day. On my way back to my truck after getting the customers' signature I found myself lying in the parking lot wondering how I got there. I'd apparently passed out, cause still unknown.
I personally believe I'd "gassed" myself while filling a tank. I can't talk about that part of it really right now, but that's my best assessment of what could have caused it.
The tests and crap I had at the ER ruled out stroke, heart attack and pulmonary embolism. So that's good news. But its still uncertain at this point what exactly happened. I felt fine until I came to on the ground hurting all over and wondering WTF just happened.
Only time will tell. Or we may never know. Either way, I'm doing okay now. Resting at home, doped up on pain killers and muscle relaxers and ice packs on various painful body parts. I'll survive. I always do. But I'm starting to wonder how I've pissed the universe off. *sigh*
And two... that the universe is definitely out to get me.
Here's a mostly complete list of tests and/or procedures I had the (dis)pleasure of enduring over the last 24 hours along with witty commentary to make it less scary:
Drug Test - easy, as long as you don't pee on your hand when you are collecting the sample needed to perform a drug screening. You know they don't let you wash your hands right away, right... eww!
Physical Examination - The physicians assistant had clammy hands and seemed uncertain about his ability to make judgement calls. He had to leave twice to confer with "the real doctor" (his words not mine).
Blood sample #1 - NEVER EVER joke with your phlebotomest about how "you're only good if I don't feel it". Because she will take offense and find the biggest needle to poke you with and cause you as much pain as possible.
EKG - If you're at a training hospital and want to make sure that the student connecting your EKG leads is gonna be cut out for the line of work he/she has chosen simply make horrible jokes about "not being a biter" and "uncontrolled kicking when tickled". That'll shake 'em up.
Chest X-Ray - Please consider your patients reason for being in the hospital before you force them to stand in a bear hug position with the x-ray machine for 5 minutes while you call someone to ask a question. At least let them relax until you're set up and ready.
Blood Sample #2 - Remember to be super kind to the phlebotomest you ticked off earlier on the second go around, she'll likely opt for a smaller needle and be a little gentler if you are nice.
IV Insertion - Try not to have crappy veins if you think you may ever need an IV. It creates drama, bruising and overall discomfort for the nurse trying to insert the IV. ;o)
CT Scan with IV contrast - There is no room for modesty when you're in a backless gown, wired up from every direction and need to move from a gurney to a CT table and then back. Forget about how many people just saw your backside (or frontside)... trust me, they're trying to forget too. Oh and "you might feel like you wet yourself, but don't worry that's normal" isn't really as bad as it sounds.
Constant heart and PB monitoring - Think about it, you're not really flat lined! Because if you're turned around looking at the monitor chances are an electrode just came loose somewhere. And when the nurses say "don't move when the PB cuff initiates because it'll get tighter if you do", LISTEN! You're hand will feel like its about to pop off and shoot across the room after the slightest movement triggers its to batten down the hatches. Oi vey!
Knee X-Ray - Again with the "no modesty" but this time, you get to lay at quite awkward and painful angles until they get a good picture. Be sure to smile!
Pain relieving sedatives - Are gooooooood. You won't even really feel anything or hear anything or care about anything at all. You might, however, drool a little and make discombobulated sentences that make people laugh at you.
Tetanus shot - You're not 13 anymore and can't get away with screaming and crying and requiring "additional personnel" to restrain you while you get pricked. Just have them give you pain relieving sedatives and you'll not care that they're about to prick you.
*Now, why did I have to endure all of these things?
We're still trying to figure that out. More doctors appointments tomorrow and probably more tests in the near future.
I was at work, I had just completed my first (and only) stop of the day. On my way back to my truck after getting the customers' signature I found myself lying in the parking lot wondering how I got there. I'd apparently passed out, cause still unknown.
I personally believe I'd "gassed" myself while filling a tank. I can't talk about that part of it really right now, but that's my best assessment of what could have caused it.
The tests and crap I had at the ER ruled out stroke, heart attack and pulmonary embolism. So that's good news. But its still uncertain at this point what exactly happened. I felt fine until I came to on the ground hurting all over and wondering WTF just happened.
Only time will tell. Or we may never know. Either way, I'm doing okay now. Resting at home, doped up on pain killers and muscle relaxers and ice packs on various painful body parts. I'll survive. I always do. But I'm starting to wonder how I've pissed the universe off. *sigh*
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