Stress
Seriously stressed out. I need a vacation but can't take one because of my job. I don't have any time to take off yet. I won't get any time until April. If I live that long. The stress is seriously killing me. I am not really cut out for this public service shit.
I had a long night last night when I got short notice thrown into a night run. I was two hours into protection when I got the news that I was gonna have to do the night run. And that I had less than 15 minutes before it was due to start. I was hungry and angry from the get go, which isn't a good combination.
I HATE night runs. I am not a night owl, I'm a morning person. I prefer to be in bed no later than 9 pm. Driving past that hour is a huge risk for me. I have terrible night vision, I have a terrible tendency to have "micro sleeps" strike after that hour and fatigue sets in heavy once I get past the 10:30 mark. I will be straight up when I say I'm not a safe driver after that point. I hate doing it because I'm a safety oriented person and being forced into a position where I HAVE to be unsafe really irritates me.
Yeah yeah, I know I've already heard it... "you knew going into this job how it would be." But I call shennanigans on that shit because NO way in hell did I really know what I was getting into.
I was told during my orientation that the hours were a little crazy, 'but you'll get used to it'.
Bullshit. There is no getting used to the erratic insane hours that my fellow "extra board" drivers and I have to deal with.
I was told during my orientation that in the worse case scenario, a rare case indeed, that you'd have to work an early morning tripper and then be asked to run a night run later that same day. Of course, they made it sound like that rarely IF ever happened.
But it happens A LOT. And it sucks.
Like yesterday. I ran a morning tripper and was home by 8 am. I was then called in to work "protection" starting at 1:30pm. I sat there for two hours on my tuckus unable to do anything but wait, I couldn't leave to eat or go find a place to sleep because that's "against the rules of protection" apparently.
So when I caught the night run at the last minute I was screwed. I was hungry and already tired having been up since 4 am. I was irritated from the get go and then the real shift occurred.
Another thing I didn't "understand" going into this job was the stress that dealing with the public in this particular capacity brings upon a person. I have dealt with the public before in retail, restaurant and various other situations. I learned a long time ago that people suck. But in those positions the contact with the "trouble makers" was usually pretty brief because when there was a situation that arose it was easier for the parties involved to separate.
In this line of work, I'm essentially STUCK with these bastards.
I had a situation last night on the last part of my run that really pushed me to my limits. The person who was the "trouble maker" pushed all of my buttons, getting them stuck and igniting an electrical fire inside me that I had a really hard time extinguishing. And I swear after it was over and the person was finally off my bus I was still on fire.
My blood pressure was actually so high that my LIPS felt as if they were going to explode. My ears burned. My eyes dried out yet I was sweating all over. An instant headache hit hard and fast, making the last 40 minutes of my night excruciating.
It drained me emotionally as well. I was sure I was going to either burst into tears and suffer uncontrollable sobbing for hours or I was going to find a bazooka and blow some shit up. I was teetering on the edge of sanity.
Thankfully I had a loving understanding and patient husband at home to help me calm down and decompress before I exploded. But it still burns me up thinking about how that person spoke to me and about me. And that's what I hate most about this job. The people and their attitudes and me essentially have to just "take it".
I had a long night last night when I got short notice thrown into a night run. I was two hours into protection when I got the news that I was gonna have to do the night run. And that I had less than 15 minutes before it was due to start. I was hungry and angry from the get go, which isn't a good combination.
I HATE night runs. I am not a night owl, I'm a morning person. I prefer to be in bed no later than 9 pm. Driving past that hour is a huge risk for me. I have terrible night vision, I have a terrible tendency to have "micro sleeps" strike after that hour and fatigue sets in heavy once I get past the 10:30 mark. I will be straight up when I say I'm not a safe driver after that point. I hate doing it because I'm a safety oriented person and being forced into a position where I HAVE to be unsafe really irritates me.
Yeah yeah, I know I've already heard it... "you knew going into this job how it would be." But I call shennanigans on that shit because NO way in hell did I really know what I was getting into.
I was told during my orientation that the hours were a little crazy, 'but you'll get used to it'.
Bullshit. There is no getting used to the erratic insane hours that my fellow "extra board" drivers and I have to deal with.
I was told during my orientation that in the worse case scenario, a rare case indeed, that you'd have to work an early morning tripper and then be asked to run a night run later that same day. Of course, they made it sound like that rarely IF ever happened.
But it happens A LOT. And it sucks.
Like yesterday. I ran a morning tripper and was home by 8 am. I was then called in to work "protection" starting at 1:30pm. I sat there for two hours on my tuckus unable to do anything but wait, I couldn't leave to eat or go find a place to sleep because that's "against the rules of protection" apparently.
So when I caught the night run at the last minute I was screwed. I was hungry and already tired having been up since 4 am. I was irritated from the get go and then the real shift occurred.
Another thing I didn't "understand" going into this job was the stress that dealing with the public in this particular capacity brings upon a person. I have dealt with the public before in retail, restaurant and various other situations. I learned a long time ago that people suck. But in those positions the contact with the "trouble makers" was usually pretty brief because when there was a situation that arose it was easier for the parties involved to separate.
In this line of work, I'm essentially STUCK with these bastards.
I had a situation last night on the last part of my run that really pushed me to my limits. The person who was the "trouble maker" pushed all of my buttons, getting them stuck and igniting an electrical fire inside me that I had a really hard time extinguishing. And I swear after it was over and the person was finally off my bus I was still on fire.
My blood pressure was actually so high that my LIPS felt as if they were going to explode. My ears burned. My eyes dried out yet I was sweating all over. An instant headache hit hard and fast, making the last 40 minutes of my night excruciating.
It drained me emotionally as well. I was sure I was going to either burst into tears and suffer uncontrollable sobbing for hours or I was going to find a bazooka and blow some shit up. I was teetering on the edge of sanity.
Thankfully I had a loving understanding and patient husband at home to help me calm down and decompress before I exploded. But it still burns me up thinking about how that person spoke to me and about me. And that's what I hate most about this job. The people and their attitudes and me essentially have to just "take it".
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