Musical Memories...

I had to recharge the batteries in Starfish's mobile last night.  They died during a nap yesterday.

The mobile has a detachable arm with the dangling toys on it.  I love the fact that you can remove the arm and just have the music box part of it for the baby when they get "over" having the swirling animals over their heads. 

I remember in the very beginning of our new life as a family when Starfish slept in one to two hour increments.  I would try anything to get her to sleep longer.  I had received the mobile as a gift from a family friend.  I almost sold it because I was certain there was no way Starfish would ever like it, because attempts to use it to distract or entertain her in the beginning failed. 

After a few more tries I ended up taking the arm part off  and used the music part to try to soothe her to sleep.  It seemed to help some nights, so I kept it attached to her crib without the arm and used it as often as I could remember. 

In those early days I spent many nights (and days for that matter) in a half sleep on the twin bed we put in her room.  I listened to the music trying to lull myself to sleep as well.  Rarely did it work for me. 

Now every time I play it for her I think about those first few weeks of sleepless days and nights. 

I felt so clueless. 

I remember nights where I cried with her as she cried because I just didn't know what to do to make her stop. 

I didn't know what she needed or wanted. 

I didn't know anything more than that she was a baby and I was a mommy and we were learning it all together. 

I still feel clueless sometimes.  I often confuse her hunger cry for her sleepy cry or her dirty diaper cry. I can't always tell when she wants to snuggle or just sit in her bouncy.  And I can't always tell if she wants me or daddy or nobody at all. 

But we get through each day.  She smiles at me when I kiss her goodnight.  She smiles at me when I tell her good morning.  She reaches out for me when I lean down to pick her up.  And she makes the sweetest faces at me when we cuddle. 

I love her to pieces.  And I'm sure there were will be many more musical memories she and I will make together over the years. 

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