And now... the rest of the story......

So I step on a few toes from time to time with my straight forward way of thinking. I don't see the point in games and tip toeing around things. I say what I think and what I feel with very little discretion. I am also the polar opposite of all things "politically correct". Not because I'm a rebel. Merely because I think it's absolute bullshit to candy coat things.

Saying you're a winner by giving you a trophy because you did the best you could on a losing team is candy coating the fact that you're still a loser.

Giving you a golden star for your effort on a test which you failed doesn't change the fact that you failed. Might soften the blow, but face it... if you failed, you failed.

If you're doing something in your life that is stupid, asinine, ignorant, self deprecating, or causing you self injry (mentally or physically) I'm going to tell you so. I'm not gonna tell you it's someone else's fault or that the Universe or God or whatever must have it out for you to put you into the position you're in.

No, I'm going to tell you that you're creating your own environment.... making your own bed. And that you either need to suck it up and lie in it or straighten up and fix it your damn self.

I think Dr. Phil is an idiot most of the time. But there is one thing that came out of his mouth (and probably someone else's before his) that has stuck with me for quite a few years.

"Its your life, own it."

If you seek to place blame on others for your own miseries you will never get past them. You will stop growing as a person and become stagnant. You will perpetuate a life of misery because you refuse to own your life.

And when you blame others you're giving them control over you.

Own it.

If your life sucks, make it better. Don't just cry and whine and wish it were better. Make it better.

Recently I walked on the top of the feet of someone I care about. I almost felt bad about it but then decided that "whatever" was the best stance I could take because the reaction was such that the person decided to "block me" on a social networking site for a period of time.

Which was certainly ironic considering that during the straight forward advice I gave that caused the rift I suggested to my friend that they block, delete, or otherwise eliminate a certain thing from their social networking page if it offended them so much.

But I digress.

I felt my advice was as honest and as common-sense as could be. It's advice I not only give to others but take myself. I've had people post offensive things on my blog and on my social networking pages. I have even had offensive things occur in my real life interactions with people face to face.

And in most cases I have made the decision to respect myself by eliminating them from my life. I am referring to the things that are the absolute most offensive things to me (and for me it has to be BAD to fit that bill as I'm not easily offended).

And when I say I "eliminate" I mean that I either delete the comments from my networking/media sites or after letting the real live person perpetrating the offensiveness know how I feel about it, I choose between the options:

A) of accepting an apology (if one is given) or
B) ending the relationship (be it friend, acquaintance or whatever).

The only people in my life I can't "eliminate" are my family members. That's the only exception to this rule that I have. Family is forever. No matter what.

But anyone else is at risk of losing my friendship for anything I feel to be the most heinous of crimes. If you disrespect me, don't expect me to keep you around. Even with a decent apology I'm likely to scratch you off my Christmas card list.

That being said, the above advice which I had given was taken in a way different than it was intended and I was called a few adjectives I didn't appreciate. I've got a theory about that reaction that might call for a blog another time. But for now, I'll keep that one to myself.

What I didn't understand was how giving simple advice caused the person I was advising to turn their injury around and throw it at me.

The person who stepped on my friends toes originally did so in a way that was highly offensive them, saying harsh words that really hurt my friend. My friend did ask the person to please not say things like that on their social networking page ever again. The person offered no apology and continued to step on my friends toes.

It was at this point that I stepped in and gave my advice about how to handle the situation on a new thread that was started by my friend. My action was merely one friend caring about another friend and hating to see them hurt by such words. But I was the one who ended up taking the sharp thorns of the anger inspired by original offender.

And I was punished for right around a week when my friend actually took my advice, turned it against me and blocked me from seeing their posts. I mean I'm glad to know that my advice was taken, don't get me wrong.

But having ones advice taken against oneself is a bitter pill to swallow.

It hurt that my friend felt that I was offensive enough to eliminate, even for a brief period. I was merely trying to help. But then, as I said before I have theories on their reaction, which I will not go into right now.

But THIS is why I quit FB once before. Because of the drama it creates.

So yes, it's a social networking site. If you post a status update and don't expect comments then you're naive. We use it so that we can interact with others, right? So you post something and expect interaction from those people on your "friends" lists.

Ok, so lets say you post something that might in some way, shape or form stir up a bit of controversy... perhaps like politics or religion. You seriously can't expect people not to comment, express their opinions, which in the world we live in are very likely to be different than your own. It IS social media... SOCIAL being the key word here. So when you get comments you can expect them to come in all the colors of the rainbow.

And all of this is fine and dandy, I mean nothing beats a good debate right? Well that is to say that everyone claims to be a big fan of a "healthy debate", but that is usually followed by "as long as it's intelligent."

....or as long as "someone doesn't say something that is highly offensive".

But back to the fact that it's your page, your blog, your thread... you OWN it. If you don't like what someone posts you can do one of several things:

-keep the post (and get angry/upset every time you read it)
-ask the person who posted it to please refrain from such postings in the future (then decide whether to keep or delete the post)
-un-friend and/or block the person (if they're THAT offensive just give them the boot, most of the people we have on our networking friends lists aren't like our BFF's anyway right?)
-delete the comment (and move on)

I've done pretty much every one of these at some point either on my FB page or here on my blog. Personally if some one posts something that offends me that much I simply delete it. I respect myself to much to allow someone to disrespect me.

If it's someone I know well, I will likely even send them a message saying that it was disrespectful and explain why I deleted it, found it offensive, etc. And I will hope that the result is that the next time they feel compelled to post something similar they will think twice before doing it.

I have actually said goodbye to a genuine real life friendship over something that hurt me and offended me so bad that it put the relationship in a position beyond repair. So I have no problem deleting someones offensive comments from my internet media pages.

And I suppose that for now, that's all I have to say about that.