Snot bags....

My husband and I were discussing my recent adventures at work last night. I was telling him about the girl that talked my ear off the other day so much so that I resorted to the following:

Girl: My family has a lot of fun traditions for Christmas. My sister and I sneak down early on Christmas morning and empty our stockings. We have lunch at our place then go to grandma's house and have dinner and open presents, then we go to Uncle Jimmy's and have dessert and open presents. Then we go home and open our own presents, most people do it in the morning at their own house I suppose, but we like to wait until night time. It's our tradition I guess you could say....what's your family traditions?

Me: I'm Jewish.

Girl: Oh.... (crickets.... pure silence for the rest of the ride)

I am not Jewish. And I mean no foul to the Jewish people. I have plenty of friends who are Jewish. I just didn't want to hear her voice any more and couldn't think of a truly polite way to get her to shut the hell up. So I said I was Jewish to see if that would do the trick.

It did and I almost felt bad for fibbing about being Jewish but this girl had rambled and rambled for over 40 minutes before getting to the Christmas part of the conversation and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Flash forward a day. I was driving along with a few passengers headed downtown. There was a father and his three small sons on board. The father pulled the cord to request a stop and I made my way to the nearest safe place to let them out. As they filed up the aisle I watched to make sure no one fell or tripped, the boys were small and clumsy. Once the father and first two boys were safely on the sidewalk I was confronted by the third child enthusiastically requesting a "high five". I said "oh no thanks" and he looked absolutely deflated. I'm sure no one had ever turned him down for a high five before. His father, however, simply gawked at me like I had a third eye and of course my instant guilt riddled response to this was to say "sorry, gotta keep 'em clean" as I held up my hand and wagged it a little.

I'm sure he thinks I'm just a germ-a-phobe.

Rewind now to late last week. I was driving along minding my own business, doing my bus driver thing when I was assaulted by a toddler. I had pulled up to a bus stop where a mother and her young child stood waiting for a ride on the bus. The tot couldn't have been more than 2 years old. Adorable little thing really. As the mother was putting her fare into the farebox the little one stood in front of her, putting her uncomfortably close to me. The mother was having trouble getting the machine to accept her dollar bill and while she fought with it the child was kind of leaning back against mommy's legs pretending to be shy.

The machine finally accepted the bill. I reached over to push the proper button to tally her fare when it happened. The little snot bag sneezed right into my face. The mother apologized over and over again, offered me what was probably a soiled tissue, and kept apologizing as she made her way to a seat with the little germ bag in tow.

I was disgusted, but tried really hard not to show it because that would be rude and I was taught better than that. I had a napkin on hand so I simply and discreetly wiped my face and hands before pulling away from the curb. I made a very conscious effort the rest of my shift not to touch my face with my hands.

When I got back to the garage I scrubbed my hands twice and even washed my face with soap. I went home, took an extra dose of Zinc and Vitamin C.

Flash forward to this morning....

I woke up with the sniffles.

Ain't that the way of it.

I work with the general public so I expect to be exposed to all of the seasonal illnesses such as colds and flu. I just hope this isn't gonna turn into a full fledged cold. I really don't think I can handle that right now. And I'm a miserable whiny mess when I get a cold so it would be awful to have to work and be sick simultaneously.

So in the last seven days I've managed to become a Jewish Germ-a-phobe. But lets flash back even further. I'd say it happened around the second week I was solo, fresh out of training really. I had stopped at a designated bus stop to pick up a lady waiting on the bus. I opened the door and she stepped aboard. She placed $1.35 into the farebox and stared at me as if I should know exactly what she wanted.

I was still trying to figure out fare zones and transfers and well... pretty much everything about the job was still pretty confusing at this point. So I looked up at her and asked her where she was going.

She mumbled something while turning her head to see who was on the bus, making her mumbling even harder for me to hear. *I hate mumbling*

Me: I'm sorry?

Her: (mumble mumble, Rand, mumble)

Me: You're going to Rand?

Her: (slowly, loudly, moving her mouth as she said each word in an exaggerated way, and slightly sarcastically she said the following as if I were deaf) I. AM. GOING. TO. RAND. I. NEED. A. TRANSFER. AND. A. NUMBER ONE. ZONE CARD. PLEASE.

Me: I mouthed and softly said: THANK. YOU.

And I pressed the proper buttons and gave her her transfer and zone cards. I then heard her sit beside another woman on the bus wondering aloud "why would they hire a deaf person to drive the bus, don't they need to hear the bells and people and stuff?"

To this day when this lady gets onto my bus she speaks to me as if I am a deaf person. I won't correct her because at least now when she gets on she clearly says where she is going and what if any additional things she needs to get there.

And hey, at least now she won't mumble around me. I seriously hate mumbling.

And that's why last night my husband and I sat on the couch laughing our heads off about how I'm a deaf Jewish germ-a-phobe. I've decided I can be whoever I want to be to each and every passenger I carry. I could have a thousand different personalities if I wanted to. But I'm sure eventually I'd lose track of them all... or they'd take over and I'd be stuck being treated for multiple personality disorder.