Torture in the Bath Tub
So we decided that since our Starfish's cord stump finally fell off late last week (yay!) that we'd give her her first tub bath. Unfortunately, it didn't go anywhere near as planned.
I had imagined her being thrilled to splash and kick in the water as we gently scrubbed her with one of her soft washcloths. Then we would have a sweet, happy and clean baby bundled in a fresh towel at the end to snuggle with.
Yeah.
No.
Instead it went more like this:
Starfish was already screaming because she just does that most evenings recently and is nearly inconsolable for at least one hour. I mean, what better time to decide to strip her naked and plop her into a tub of water than when she's already pissed off, right?
Once naked baby is in the tub, screaming bloody murder, daddy commences the washing while mommy watches and tries to catch at least one moment on camera where baby isn't all scrunchy red-faced and wide-mouthed looking like she's being tortured.
Mommy gives up after two snapshots with her iPhone and places phone on the sink counter so that she can try to get in the floor beside daddy and help with the squirmy screaming baby washing task at hand.
Mommy notices nearly too late that baby has wiggled down into the baby bath tub so far that her mouth is less than an inch from the puddle of torturous death water. Mommy scolds daddy, who is happily scrubbing away at the naked baby bum-bum, for not paying attention to both ends of his baby girl. Mommy spirals into panic that daddy might actually drown baby.... daddy tells mommy to relax.
Mommy drains a little bit of water from the baby bath tub while daddy continues to wash squirmy baby body parts. Once baby is considered as clean as can be, daddy rinses her off and asks mommy to hold her a minute while he rinses out the soapy tub water and wash cloth.
The fresh dry towel is out of mommy's reach and so mommy has to just hold the little pissed off Starfish over the tub while she squirms and cries and daddy takes his time doing the rinsing of the inanimate objects. Mommy scolds daddy again for not realizing that the baby is slipping with every leg and arm flail out of mommy's hands and may end up in a REALLY pissed off pile in the bath tub if he doesn't get mommy the towel NOW!
Daddy gets towel and spreads it between his two extended hands, mommy places the now livid Starfish into daddy's hands and sighs with deep relief. Daddy swaddles and dries the slowly calming down baby and mommy watches and realizes that washing a baby is really scary.
Daddy makes fun of mommy for being a spaz, Starfish settles down, and they all lived happily ever after.
I had imagined her being thrilled to splash and kick in the water as we gently scrubbed her with one of her soft washcloths. Then we would have a sweet, happy and clean baby bundled in a fresh towel at the end to snuggle with.
Yeah.
No.
Instead it went more like this:
Starfish was already screaming because she just does that most evenings recently and is nearly inconsolable for at least one hour. I mean, what better time to decide to strip her naked and plop her into a tub of water than when she's already pissed off, right?
Once naked baby is in the tub, screaming bloody murder, daddy commences the washing while mommy watches and tries to catch at least one moment on camera where baby isn't all scrunchy red-faced and wide-mouthed looking like she's being tortured.
Mommy gives up after two snapshots with her iPhone and places phone on the sink counter so that she can try to get in the floor beside daddy and help with the squirmy screaming baby washing task at hand.
Mommy notices nearly too late that baby has wiggled down into the baby bath tub so far that her mouth is less than an inch from the puddle of torturous death water. Mommy scolds daddy, who is happily scrubbing away at the naked baby bum-bum, for not paying attention to both ends of his baby girl. Mommy spirals into panic that daddy might actually drown baby.... daddy tells mommy to relax.
Mommy drains a little bit of water from the baby bath tub while daddy continues to wash squirmy baby body parts. Once baby is considered as clean as can be, daddy rinses her off and asks mommy to hold her a minute while he rinses out the soapy tub water and wash cloth.
The fresh dry towel is out of mommy's reach and so mommy has to just hold the little pissed off Starfish over the tub while she squirms and cries and daddy takes his time doing the rinsing of the inanimate objects. Mommy scolds daddy again for not realizing that the baby is slipping with every leg and arm flail out of mommy's hands and may end up in a REALLY pissed off pile in the bath tub if he doesn't get mommy the towel NOW!
Daddy gets towel and spreads it between his two extended hands, mommy places the now livid Starfish into daddy's hands and sighs with deep relief. Daddy swaddles and dries the slowly calming down baby and mommy watches and realizes that washing a baby is really scary.
Daddy makes fun of mommy for being a spaz, Starfish settles down, and they all lived happily ever after.
One of the two snapshots where she doesn't look completely pissed off.
Comments
Who, me screaming? You jest.
And yeah, what could go wrong with a slippery soapy infant and a tub of water? I would have been nerved out if I'd ever had to bathe my nephews when they were that tiny.
Good that they're sturdy little creatures before too long.